2013

A Spoken Word

Frances Stevenson

            2013 was interesting. A mixed bag. I escaped a depression I had been fighting for a while. Quit a job I hated for a year and a half and found love and acceptance in a class of two year olds. Made less money. Got lost in my own head and realized I needed to make a change, got started on the path to self-acceptance. Met a boy, met a less boyish boy who I had known forever, did nothing with either boy. Felt completely alone, fell back into depression and made a vow to stop alienating self. Bought a lot of things I didn’t need. Started working out. Ate more vegetables. Lost some weight. Gained some weight.  Lied, a lot. Drank more water. Got overly upset at a ripped pair of jeans. Bought new jeans. Discovered the incredible power of fairy lights and alcohol. Took more medications. Saw more doctors. Felt sicker, felt healthier. Started flossing, stopped flossing. Enjoyed learning. Enjoyed school. Stopping enjoying school. Met a bully. Tried to ignore bully. Felt smart. Felt stupid at the hands of “friends”. Stopped letting other people define me. Failed. Let my nerdy freak flag fly. Bought A LOT of shoes. Felt bad about throwing things away. Broke things. Was terrible human being. Hated other human beings. Cried. Let a beautiful and cold Sunday pass unencumbered by the outside world. Healed. Drank equal amounts of coffee and tea. Started eating fish again. Tried to stop eating dairy, failed, ate in moderation.  Wrote. Was awkward. Was awkward as hell. Talked to dad more. Felt apart of family, felt nothing like family. Read a lot of books, watched slightly more television.  Joined the growing world of the internet generation, felt less alone. Enjoyed no responsibilities. Waited for 2014.